Book Publishers Announce Moratorium on New Book Submissions

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Book Publishers Announce Moratorium on New Book Submissions

AP Associated Pest

Book Publishers Announce Moratorium on New Book Submissions

By Raymundo Eli Rojas

Published: June 16, 2010

NEW YORK - The Publishers, Editors, and Editor of Text Organization announced today that they will cease accepting new book proposals beginning December 21, 2010.

In a press conference in New York City, various publishing houses gathered to disseminate what is thought to be tiding of bad news to poets and writers. The moratorium on accepting new book proposals is expected to last two years.

“Because it takes about two years for us to review a book proposal, negotiate the contract with the author, go through edits, and more,” says Juan Leer, president of the The Publishers, Editors, Editors of Text Organization, better known as PEETO, “we have decided to have the moratorium to last two years until December 2012."

More specifically, Leer cited Dec. 21, 2010. PEETO has based its decision on the fact that the world will be ending on December 21, 2012.

“No mames,” says Chicano novelist Ray Llenos upon hearing the news. Llenos recently submitted his post-transcendental neo-dystopian novel proposal to a major university press and it was returned to him unopened.

“I knew something was up,” says Llenos, an public defender by day, “when all the White people in my office kept playing Hank Williams, Jr.'s 'A Country Boy Can Survive' over and over again on their IPods.”

“We see no reason for publishing new books,” says Leer, “if no one will be around to read them. It's the end of the world as we know it, but I feel fine.”

PEETO has based their decision on the Second Mayan Calender that predicts the end of the world will be on Dec. 21, 2012.

However, several scholars question the PEETO's recent announcement regarding their refusal to accept new book submissions pending the Apocalypse.

Jerry Curls, a professor of post-Apocalyptic Studies at the University of New Mexico at Orogrande thinks the research PEETO is basing their decision on, is very flimsy to say the least. Curls says, “We think there will be some survivors, we just don't yet know the literacy levels Post-Apocalyptic society.”

Curls is referring to several studies in which post-Apocalyptic scenarios were run at various university labs across the country, all with differing results.

“We looked into punk mohawked, leather-bondage gear-wearing marauding motorcycle gangs and looked at their propensity to read,” continues Curls.

Although no post apocalyptic gangs exist today, scientist thought they would be able to study the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco and Judas Priest's Rob Halford to provide some incite to what we may expect from post-Apocalyptic society, but in the end settled for a computer model.

Above, relation between literacy and leather bondage gear, unknown

“However,” says Curls, “we found post-Apocalyptic gangs more interested in blowing up oil refineries and playing gladiatorial games to Tina Turner songs, so we knew they were not an option.”

But Curl says the second study was more promising.

“In the second scenario, we focused on the literacy levels of post-apocalyptic zombies.”

What they found shocked the researchers.

Zombies were tested on how they progressed into their zombiatic state. Zombies who became zombie due to some viral pandemic were shown to have limited book appreciation -- much like people today.

However, zombies, who became zombies postmortem, showed considerable interest in the writing of Samuel Huntington and Ronald Reagan's second inaugural address.

Above, Postmortem Zombie preferred Ronald Reagan Speeches

“For this study,” says Curls, “we had to find a population as close to post-Apocalyptic zombies as possible, because, obviously, zombies do not exist today.”

One population they looked to that had similar characteristics was the Ka' Pacho population. “We were lucky to find them,” says Curls, “This population has shown zombie-like characteristics in that they move into land belonging to someone else, and then, claim it as their own attacking everyone in the process.”

“Ka'Pachos,” continues Curls, “seem to think that they are the indigenous to what ever land they occupy thus resulting to mob attacks, lynching, cannibalism, and more.”

But more pressing research is needed into the Ka'Pachos tendency to gather in large groups and attack people, especially people of color.

“Although several members of the Texas Board of Education are Ka'Pachos, for this study, our research team focused on the Ka'Pacho people of Arizona,” says Curls. “We think they hold similar characteristics to post-Apocalyptic zombies.”

Above, a Arizona Ka'Pacho, hold similar characteristics to post-Apocalyptic zombies

Ka'Pachos barely arrived in what is now Arizona in 1848, and almost immediately, they began showing zombie-like traits.

In another study, out of East West Texas State, the literacy levels and amount of reading were tested on post-Apocalyptic apes.

“These tests did not work so well,” says Curls, “the damn dirty apes kept blowing up their books. We even gave them Cormac McCarthy's The Road and those maniacs! They blew it up! Goddam them all to hell!”

The questions remains whether humans do survive the Apocalypse, what will be the role of writers and publishers in the post-Apocalyptic world?

“If authors survive the Apocalypse,” says Leer, “we encourage authors to send their book proposals after Dec. 21, 2012, but don't press your luck. You (authors) don't believe we're on the eve of destruction?”

Leer described publishers would only publish limited copies of a writer's book due to the smaller population that will exist after Dec. 21, 2012. However, the good news is these books may become collectors items, and those owning them may be pursued by book-loving marauding post-Apocalyptic thugs and goons.